Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
