i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
