she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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