Sry I called you an 8
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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