evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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