He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
