i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
