No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
