Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize