you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
