Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
