wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
