I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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