Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
