how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
