This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
