Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
