operation have a gay friend backfired
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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