Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
