sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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