it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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