I want to make a zoo with you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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