Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
