I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
