so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize