How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
