i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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