I cannot find my penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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