the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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