Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
