; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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