he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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