I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
