I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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