"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
