Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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