By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
