I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
