Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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