I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
