like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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