Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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