Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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