Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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