but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
