How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
