...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
