dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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