Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
