I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
