you would pick up someone in the library
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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