yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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