I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize