If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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