am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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