i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize