No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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