she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
