the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
