Tell her she can't have a vagina
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
