420 ftw
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
a search helicopter?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
