I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
