this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
