I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
