I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
