we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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