Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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