1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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