ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to calm my uterus...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
