Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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