Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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