I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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