If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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