It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
