I would go down on you faster than GM stock
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
