its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my shit smells like andre
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
