You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
