It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
