Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
