google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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