I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
